Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I need a break!

I am just so frustrated today. I'm really not sure what the deal is. I just feel very overloaded and well, frustrated about, well, everything. I am tired of being the Mommy and the Daddy all at the same time. I am ready for my husband to be home. You have no idea how ready I am.
Do you ever get Mommy burn-out? I love my kids beyond measure. I am just tired of their fighting and bickering and me being the only parent that they can come running to to try to settle the score. Ugh! I know that single moms do this all the time. And I really appreciate that, but I am not single, I am married. And yet, here I am single. I didn't ask for this. Or maybe I did, not real sure. I know that I prayed for my husband and put him in the Lord's hands but geez...time is really taking a toll on this momma. I really do try to stay strong, I swear I do. But I am only human right, sometimes I just gotta have a meltdown too and just ask why in the world me? I have always tried to do everything right. Really I have. I try to set a good example for my children. I go above and beyond to protect my kids.

I really feel all yucky and cluttered inside, kinda like walking into a messy room, you just don't know where to start cleaning. I am just not sure if I can do this for 18 more months. I know that I have to, but at this moment I really just feel blah. He has been gone 3 years and I am just tired. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 18 months and him be here and everything is normal and fine. I want him to help with disciplining the kids and cuddling and tucking into bed and staying here while I go somewhere with a friend. Seems like ages since I have been out to dinner with a friend. Little things like that are what I look forward to the most.

I miss his steaks on the grill...mmm...the best. I miss him working in the yard. I miss waking up with him next to me. I miss the phone calls throughout the day checking on us. I miss going out to eat as a family. I miss our shopping trips (he loves to shop). I miss him going to the grocery store (I hate it!). I miss him wrestling down on the floor with the kids and playing ball. Oh, I could go on and on, but you get it right?

People are always telling me how strong I am for handling everything on my own. I really am not that strong, really, I don't want to be strong anymore. I feel like I am always under a magnifying glass with everything that I do. I am tired of the stress. I need a break.

Alright, I feel a little bit better now. Just a little, being able to get this off of my chest helps a teeny bit. I am not second guessing my decision to wait on my husband, I am just feeling human and wanting my husband back NOW!

Ok, all can go back to your regularly scheduled blog posts..... BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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