Friday, May 02, 2008

My MaMa

It is 12 am and I just can't sleep tonight for many reasons. And so I, Angie, blog! It has been like forever since I have blogged. I have been so busy lately. The kids are playing spring ball and work, that is about all I do anymore.

I feel like i have totally dropped off of the blogger sphere. Does anyone even come here anymore? So much has changed since I last poured out my heart here. So much! But at this moment I am typing with a heavy heart. My sweet, sweet MaMa is in the hospital again. She has been in and out for about 6 months now. She has had 3, maybe 4 back surgeries since November, been in and out of a nursing home. Now she is very, very sick. She has pneumonia really bad. The past few days she has been so sick that she has slept all day long. It truly breaks my heart when I go in and see her just laying there with the oxygen mask on and her eyes barely open. It is really tough for me. Yesterday when I went to see her I was really selfishly scared that she was just slowly fading away and that she was not even going to make it through the night last night. I can't imagine my life without her in it. I am the oldest of the grand children, so you know I am the favorite. :) I have so many happy memories that I shared with her. She loves to shop. She would take me on many road trips to see her sister, Aunt Gladys. I loved going there to see my cousins and hanging out with them. I guess eventually I grew out of going with her. Now I would give anything in this world for her to take me on one of our road trips.

Now my children have created sweet memories with her. They have spent the night with her, sleeping in the same bed I used to sleep in as a child when I would spend the night. Raking her yard for a few bucks she would insist on giving them. Picking her flowers to carry in a put in one of her vases. I feel very privileged to be her grand daughter and to have her blood running through my veins. She is strong and she is a fighter. She has fight hard for 6 months and I am very proud of her.

Last night when I came home, I was so burdened by my selfish need to have her here on this earth. I went into my bathroom and sobbed. I know that MaMa has lived a long, wonderful life and has experienced great things that she has passed on to all of us. We all carry a little bit of her with us everyday, where ever we go. I just hate to see her this way. So I prayed for God to keep her in His strong hands. I know that He has it, He knows what the future holds, what her future holds. I prayed that if it was His will for her to go back to her little green house then please start healing her as only He can. He can do it! I know that all of my family was saying the same prayer because today when I walked in her hospital room they had her sitting up in her fancy bed, she was alert and looking around, talking, she even tossed the therapy ball back and forth with me. She was smiling a bit and answering all the questions the nurse was asking her. She was quick to tell you what she thought of something she did or didn't like. My MaMa was back today. I was so happy and thrilled. I was amazed by the improvements she has made. Absolutely amazed!

Thank you God for answered prayer. If it is your will, then please continue to heal my Mama. Let us take her home to her little green house. Amen

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